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- Written by Tom Blake Tom Blake
On Oct. 29, 2022, Greta, my living-together partner of 25 years, passed away. The two years since then have been a mixture of grief, reflection, sadness, healing, challenges, and learning new things.
The first five months were a blur, filled with STUGs, which is an acronym for sudden, temporary uptake of grief. Anybody who has lost a loved one (even a pet) has experienced those feelings. They see or hear something that triggers the memory of the deceased, and it creates a fountain of sorrow.
For example, one day I was shopping at Costco. I walked down the cheese aisle and saw Costco’s brie cheese; it was Greta’s favorite. A STUG hit while standing in the aisle. Old toughie me shed a few tears right there in plain sight of a few shoppers.
I remember distinctly the events of the last two years because I’m a journalist and keep a diary. To refresh my memory, I occasionally review those notes.
In March of 2023, I was sitting at home on another lonely Saturday night. I thought, “I can’t take this emptiness any longer; I’m not aging well. I’d like to meet and socialize with some nice women. I’m going to try online dating.”
Even though I had written senior dating articles for 29 years, I knew very little about online dating. I joined two sites: Match and Zoosk. Doing that gave me hope, something I’d been lacking for five months.
I met some nice women online but soon discovered that at my age, 83, I was kind of an old dude. Women 10 years younger and more didn’t want to meet in person. And those in that age range who did want to meet were mainly scammers, looking for a sugar daddy.
I learned what the term “ghosting” means in dating. I had pleasant first dates with two women who said they had an enjoyable evening, and then I never heard from them again.
One drawback to online dating is that many of the women who appealed to me lived too far away. I learned that a long-distance relationship wasn’t my cup of tea. How far is too far for me? Twenty miles by car.
And there were other deal-breakers. A big one during this election year is political preference. When two people belong to different political parties, staying together might not be possible.
Another deal-breaker can be religious preference. For me, I didn’t mind being with someone of a different faith, but I wasn’t interested in people who wanted me to switch to their faith. I was raised that church was on Sunday. I wasn’t suited for someone preaching their opposing religious beliefs to me 24/7.
Availability is important in senior dating. Some women and men still work full time and can’t get together except for once or twice every two weeks. That doesn’t work for me.
A biggie for senior couples is physical attraction (chemistry). Some people are affectionate; others feel uncomfortable with even a hug. I’m affectionate and need hugs.
These deal-breakers and challenges work both ways. Women face similar challenges.
Successful seeking of a mate requires time, energy, and, yes, money.
Have I met someone? Yes. I met her on Zoosk a year ago. She’s seven years younger and lives 30 minutes away from me. We’ve had our ups and downs. But we care a great deal about each other and usually can finesse our differences.
For single seniors, don’t give up trying to find a partner. As Johnny Cash sang in “I Walk the Line”: “I keep my eyes wide open all the time.”
Do that, and just like Johnny did, you will find your special someone. Give it time.
For dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary, weekly e-newsletter, go to findingloveafter50.com.