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- Written by Tom Blake Tom Blake
Many older adults were glued to their TVs last fall watching The Golden Bachelor, Gerry Turner, age 72, date 22 women before choosing Theresa Wist, age 69, to be his partner. Their marriage was televised on Jan. 4, 2024.
Three months later, on Good Morning America, Turner and Wist shocked seniors and others when they announced they were getting a divorce.
They said that neither could adjust to being in an LDR (long-distance relationship). Turner lives in Indiana; Wist lives in New Jersey. Neither wanted to relocate.
One wonders if, during the hoopla and excitement of being on national TV, either thought about how living 1,000 miles away from each other might affect their marriage? Apparently not.
After the divorce, I received several emails from mature adults who are either currently dating online or considering it. Many wanted my opinion about LDRs: Can they work for seniors?
Andrea wrote, “I lost my husband of 30 years this past October. We had a great marriage and, of course, I miss him every day. However, at 74, I’m ready to look for my next ‘chapter.’ What do you think about online dating?”
I replied: “Online dating helps you broaden your search to find a mate. However, besides the scammers, you will encounter people who live hours or miles away, which means you may become involved in an LDR. Are you prepared for that?”
A question evolved: In the 60-to-80+ age range, can an LDR work?
A major consideration is the distance between each other in either time or miles. My rule of thumb is anything more than a half hour’s drive or 25 miles is too far for me.
And for older adults, what if either person — or both — doesn’t drive? Or, what if one or the other doesn’t drive at night? One woman said: “There’s always Uber or Lyft, so those obstacles can be overcome.”
I said the cost can be prohibitive. In 2023, I took an Uber 13.4 miles from my home and back. The cost was $52 plus a tip.
And what if the new couple wants to be together every night? Who is going to relocate?
Some senior LDRs work. Larry, 72, recently emailed me about his senior LDR story.
He said, “I met Liz, who lived only 4 miles away, but it could have been 100 miles. Driving back and forth in traffic, keeping clothing at two locations, meals, and children visiting from out of town are just some of the issues seniors deal with in even a short-mileage LDR.”
I added, “What happens if the senior who drives forgets his or her meds and absolutely must have them that night? Does that mean going back home and then returning? Or going home and not returning that night? Meds are easy to forget; I’m speaking from experience.”
Larry continued, “Liz moved in with me after nearly two years of dating. Now, we are learning a lot about each other, and this ‘experiment continues’ with both sets of eyes wide open.
“LDRs for seniors today are even more difficult, whether a couple lives miles away or close.”
Jim also commented about LDRs, “What happens if you have a dog or a cat that you leave at home, as I do? Are you going to leave your animal alone for six hours or overnight? That wouldn’t be right.
“And how about the person you’re going to visit? He or she might also have an animal that might not mix well with your pet. This is another challenge of senior dating.”
However, Jim admits he is willing to travel a few extra miles for the right woman.
Mature adults need to have the LDR discussion if they meet someone who lives a challenging distance away.
For dating information, previous articles, or to sign up for Tom’s complimentary, weekly e-newsletter, go to findingloveafter50.com.